Balance

You need balance in your life. But there is such a thing as too much balance. Things can't always go the way you want them. Sometimes the scales tip in the opposite direction of where you wish they would. You can either be consumed by the pressure, or you can let it fuel you. I prefer to let it fuel me. Keeping everything bottled up is unhealthy, and eventually you will explode (no homo.) At the risk of sounding cliché, the first step is acceptance. Accept that you can't have things go exactly as you hoped. How boring would life be if everything came easy? Just when you think things are going your way, life seems to throw an unexpected curve into the road. Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero; seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow. If you look too far into the future, you forget to live the present. You lose balance and in the end you just lose.

I Wasn't A Good Guy To Begin With

It's 5 AM and I'm lying in bed wide awake. I'm not even remotely sleepy so I guess I'll update this. Yeah the title of this post is a song lyric but I think it's very poignant to my situation. It's from Man On The Moon (The Anthem) by Kid Cudi. My interpretation of the general message of the song is that he's saying that you can't let people define who you are.

My favorite line in the song is, "Maybe if I was a jerk to girls, instead of being nice and speaking kind words. Then maybe it'd be okay to say then, I wasn't a good guy to begin with." When I first heard that line it really struck a chord with me. I've always tried to be the nicest guy I could possibly be, probably to a fault. I guess that has led to girls walking all over me and ultimately I end up getting the short end of the stick. Apparently me being me isn't good enough for anyone.

Not to sound cocky or anything, I think I'd be a really good boyfriend. I mean when I like a girl, I believe she deserves the world and I would do the best I could to give her that. I may not have a job right now or be the best looking guy out there, but I know that I'd do close to anything to make that girl happy and show her that I care. Alas, I have never gotten the opportunity to do so.

Maybe I've been too passive in the past. Or maybe people just don't see me for who I really am, the good guy that always finishes last. Maybe it's just that. Maybe girls don't see that I'd try to be anything they could ever ask for and I'm right there in front of them. Maybe they don't want to see. Maybe I just said maybe too much. Maybe, just maybe.